My Canadian Flag

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Firstly, I salute all of the men and women in both my Canadian, your American and other countries who have joined the good fight and put their lives on the line to stand up for our democracies. This is a true story (or as true as a cheeky Canadian can tell it) .... My wife and I were watching a documentary one night and though I did not find it funny then – maybe what we learned that day will demonstrate our outstanding ability here in Canada to defend and protect our northern waters. I have told this in several discussions I joined but thought I would finally put it out here …. We have a very small army in Canada. It used to be a big one before all our social programs came in. We actually had battleships, helicopters that flew and jets with real bullets that were used to protect our northern waters – Because of our social programs one of the first things to be sacrificed at the expense of them was our military. If I really think about it, we here in the north could not fight our way out of a paper bag. Don’t let this give you any ideas America because we are a stubborn bunch and are not to be taken lightly! What some Americans need to know is that these countries do not dare fly or sail anywhere near your borders up in Alaska because they don't mess with Sarah Palin. They take the long way around Alaska but as soon as they can cut back into our waters (America too by the way) they do because like most of us today they cannot afford to waste fuel. When our Inuit people who keep watch see a trespasser they notify our government right away. We were able to give them crank operated radios so they can do this. We can’t afford to put very much of our military up north because the cost of giving them proper cold weather clothes to keep them from freezing to death is far too expensive. My government hears the news and they immediately sound the alarm! My Canada springs into action and our one working helicopter is sent out to defend us no matter what time of night or day! We are able to send them up with flashlights (I think we got a good deal on them and a case of extra batteries!) Have to tell the Russians or whoever is in our waters to get lost ya' know! When they spot the trespassers they are ready to bomb them with the only 'weapon' our government allows them to use - our Canadian Flag! Now I don’t think we should use real bombs but I for one like this flag and I resent the fact that we are giving it to Russia and other countries for free! In the dire economic times my country is suffering I think thrift is a good thing and that we should make recycling a Canadian priority! I think we should start charging those countries for the ones we toss but at the very least demand they send the flags that are a direct hit back to us in appreciation of the fact it was not a real was bomb! There are many countries right now around the world (America included) who are amassing a huge collection of my beautiful flags because of our excellent pitching talents! I really resent that you get them for free and I have to pay for one if I want it. If people around this world like it so much they can buy them too at a slightly marked up price that can then assist us in purchasing new ‘weapons’. If they do not want to pay for them then I want to make an attempt to get them back myself. After giving it great thought I have come up with an idea – please feel free to let me know what you think …. We here in Canada do not have the ability to go and actually retrieve them ourselves (we can’t risk losing that helicopter) but it would be great fun to approach the United Nations and try to get a resolution passed to ‘make those countries surrender my flags – ‘make them’ do it as it were! As we all know the (do-nothing) UN has been so ‘helpful’ these past twenty years or so in maintaining world peace and order. They have obviously enjoyed being walked all over and especially have enjoyed the fact that America has had to do the very job we had formed the UN for in the first place! In fact, maybe it would be a good idea for Britain, Canada, America and all democratic countries who believe the same thing to send the UN letters demanding their flags back too! It would be a flag revolution! Not a shot fired! When your new President came to visit Canada last week darned if the Russians did not try and send out a welcoming committee for him by flying right into our territory (again they went around Alaska air space)! Fear not America, we were on the situation like forty year old gum stuck under a table! Our news stations proudly reported that our three working jets were called up to go and chase them back. I will never really know for sure whether it was the threat of another flag toss - or the fact that one of your fighter jets showed up to assist them. See Russia knows for sure America shoots with real bullets! This message is meant to be a ‘tongue in cheek’ story but the flag toss is true. If you ever come across one of my Canadian flags sent it back will ya! Just mail it to Parliament Hill, Ontario and don't send it collect please. Our social programs are in dire need of assistance. Only in Canada eh? You do not have to like or agree with what I said but I am one of the luckiest people on this planet. I live in a democracy!